Today's Thought(s)

Well, let's see.....what can I write about today? I guess I can tell you about the new job I'm learning. Just to give some background information, I have been at this job with General Dynamics since March 9th. I was laid off from my job of 14 years on Feb. 5th. I was the primary order entry person and figured that my job was safe....not that I felt like I was above everyone and didn't think I should lose my job, but just thought they would keep the one with the most experience instead of throwing it on someone who had very little clue as to what was going on as far as order entry was concerned. But, I wasn't shocked either and had pretty much prepared myself for the possibility. Was I afraid or worried over losing my job? Not really. I didn't go into a panic and even spent the first two weeks just chilling out and not making any effort to look for a job. I was at peace.

Someone mentioned going to Elwood Staffing to see if I could find a job through them. After filling out an application, I was sent a email to come in and fill out more paperwork. After doing so, I was immediately told that they may have a job for me with General Dynamics doing warehouse work. So a week and a half after filling out the initial application, I started my new job. My friend, Mark, said that was a sign that I am one of HIS (God's) because he provided me with a job so soon.

After 3 months of mindless data entry, they finally paired me with the two guys who handle shortages. I cannot stand doing work that doesn't challenge me or doesn't require much thinking. I told Mark one time that I may not look like much, but I do have it where it counts. I don't know if people look at me and automatically assume that I am lacking in the brains department but that seems to be the case alot of times. My team leader made the comment a couple weeks ago that the project she was giving me to do at the time "didn't require much brains to do".....I didn't know whether to take that as an insult or what!!! I wanted to ask her if that was why she was giving it to me.

Anyway, this new job is definitely making me think and think HARD!!! I love it!!!

Second Night.....

and I'm still emotional. Most days I'm fine but then there are days like today and yesterday where I just cry. It's nearly 11:30 right now and I should be asleep but I can't fall asleep for crying. I've got church tomorrow and I don't need to be up late. I hate getting emotional like this. When will I quit letting this get to me? I'm so tired of being alone.

LONELINESS

I don't know which is worse. Being single and alone or being married and alone. The last ten years of our marriage, there was no relationship. We just co-existed in the same house. He worked third shift and I worked days. So after 15 years, he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. He had no desire to want to work on our relationship.....none whatsoever. I made suggestions and he turned down every one of them. A week after I moved out, my mom asked me if I missed him and I replied that I quit missing him years ago. I had already spent the past decade "alone" that the only difference was that I wasn't living in the same house with him.

A friend of mine who is about to go through a divorce himself said that he might not ever marry again because then he can go wherever, whenever he wants to. Granted, that's a plus!! But I've done the "go wherever, whenever" thing for nearly two years now and after awhile, you get tired of going alone. Most of my friends are married and have children so they can't just up and go out on the spur of the moment like I can. Around here there is nothing to do unless you like bar hopping. Don't want to get caught up in that scene. Last thing I want to do is get hit on by a bunch of drunk rednecks/hillbillies. But I am also tired of sitting at home alone with no one to talk to.

Some nights I just sit here and cry. Like tonight.

THE FIVE SOLAS

If you're wondering about the picture I have at the top of my page, it is the Five Solas. I learned about the Five Solas a couple years ago when I was just beginning to learn about the Doctrines of Grace and Election. They are:

Sola Scriptura--Scripture Alone
Sola Gratia--Grace Alone
Sola Fide--Faith Alone
Solus Christus--Christ Alone
Soli Deo Gloria--To the Glory of God Alone

When speaking of Salvation, this is how it reads: Salvation comes to us through Scripture alone, by Grace alone, through Faith alone, in Christ alone, to the glory of God alone. Man does NOTHING. Christ died for our sins, the Holy Spirit illuminates our minds and gives us understanding of our sinful nature and convicts us of our sins, and God gives us the grace and faith to believe.

Forget all the "free will" stuff. We can't be saved through our will because our will isn't free. The Bible says we are "slaves" to sin. If we are slaves how can we be free?? Being a slave means we obey the master who has control over us. In this case, our master is sin. And what slave can just decide to leave his/her master when they want? They can't. The only way a slave can be freed from their master is if someone comes and buys/redeems their freedom. That is why the Bible says that Christ is our Redeemer. He bought us out of slavery to sin because He paid the price for our sin when He took our punishment on the cross.

The Bible also calls us "Trophies of Grace". I never understood the concept of this term until I heard a sermon by Jeff Noblit. When a athlete/team wins a championship title, they are given a trophy. That trophy is the reward for THEIR hard work and dedication to accomplishing their goal. They put that trophy on display for everyone to see. They're saying "look at what I did....look at what I accomplished". In the same manner, those who are God's Elect are called Trophies of Grace. We are put on display for others to see. Jesus can point to us and say "look at what I did.....look at what I accomplished". It is to HIS GLORY ALONE that we are called....that we are saved. So if it is based on our will that we are saved, if it is OUR decision to accept Christ, who gets the glory??? Well, then WE would get the glory. But it's not the case. It is through God's own good will and pleasure that we are saved and HE gets all the glory.

So our salvation does come through Scripture Alone, by Grace Alone, through Faith Alone, in Christ Alone, to the Glory of God Alone.....Period!

My Top 10

Things I want to do before leaving earth:

1. Go back to the Grand Canyon (and possibly fly over the Grand Canyon)
2. Take a trip on the American Orient Express.
3 Learn to operate a motorcycle.
4. Go to Alaska and see the Aurora Borealis
5. Build a log home in the mountains.
6. Go back to Las Vegas.
7. Take a cross country trip on a motorcycle.
8. Visit every baseball park in the country.
9. Visit Yellowstone National Park
10. See a shuttle launch before the shuttle program ends.

Ever wondered????

If psychics were actually psychic......why haven't they all won the lottery?????

ANNISTON BIBLE CHURCH

Over the past several years, I began to realize that I was not getting what I needed at my "home" church. There were times when I would leave feeling like I should've just stayed at home because there was no SS lesson taught that day. Nothing but chit-chat about what happened during the week.

Beginning last year, a couple friends of mine from Texas began to "bug" me about changing churches. They surfed the net and found a church that was near my last job and told me I should try that. It was so hard for me to even consider leaving. But there was one Sunday where I had had enough. It was announced that we were starting a new parenting class for our group. I was not thrilled whatsoever. Mostly because I am not a parent. But, also, because I had an idea of what the class would be like. A bunch of psycho-babble that had nothing to do with learning the Bible. I found out later from a friend that it was a "round table discussion" type class. I KNEW IT!! Don't get me wrong, it's good for parents to get help in gaining parenting skills, especially in areas they feel they are weak in, but save it for a week night, don't use up time that should be spent in serious BIBLE STUDY!!! Some people may disagree with me, and that's fine, but I don't go to church for self-help, psychological group discussions....I want Bible study.

So the next Sunday I went to Anniston Bible Church where my Texas friends had suggested. I was VERY apprehensive. But I sucked it up and walked into that church and as soon as I walked in the door I was approached by one of the Elders who introduced himself and asked me my name and right off the bat began telling me what classes they had and took me to the class I was interested in sitting in. As soon as I sat down, the teacher (another Elder) came and sat down in front of me (we meet in the sanctuary) and began talking to me. He introduced himself, asked me my name, asked me how I picked their church, etc. etc.. I confessed to him that I was apprehensive since I didn't know what to expect, but he laughed and said "don't worry, we don't speak in tongues, or handle snakes"....LOL. Wow, he read my mind.

I can truly tell you that I have NEVER been in a church that put SOOOO much emphasis on Scripture. There is no Sunday school material that they buy.....they use ONLY the Bible. And because of this fact, those who teach the classes REALLY HAVE to study!! No "canned" lessons as my friend, Mark, calls them. Those who are asked to teach, teach out of the Bible...book by book, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. The man teaching right now is teaching out of the Book of Luke and we're in chapter 2. And like I said earlier, they HAVE to study. No skimping, no skimming. But deep, serious Bible study. In the few months I've been there, I have been fed like I've never been fed before. And I'm not talking about food....I'm talking about being fed God's Word. And it makes me wonder, why doesn't EVERY church do that???

Great Music

I am convinced that there are no singers/groups out there that know how to make fun, good-time music anymore. Music today STINKS!!!! The Doobie Brothers are one of the few groups left that know how to make good music. I posted a link to one of my favorite songs by them. I wanted to upload the video here but I kept getting an error. Click the link and enjoy :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqZ95a249p0

WITH YOUR EYES

What I see is a man
Dirty and thin
In crumpled and tattered clothes.
Too "busy" to take the time
I pass by as he holds out his hand.
What I don't see is the husband
Who lost his job, his home,
His children and wife.
Jesus, help me to see with your eyes.

What I see is a woman
With painted face.
She walks the streets at night
Selling herself to strangers
Just to be able to eat.
What I don't see is the girl
Who was abused and abandoned
By those who should've cared.
Jesus, help me to see with your eyes.

What I see is a world
Lost and in despair.
Searching for worldly fulfillment
Only to find themselves
Emptier than before.
What I don't see is people
Wandering hopelessly in the dark
Waiting for us to show them the Light.
Jesus, help me to see with your eyes.

Susan Atkinson (2006)

THE PRODIGAL'S HEART

I found myself once again
In a far off place
Away from the presence
Of Your holy and loving face.

Though my spirit desires You
And longs for You each day
My flesh is still weak
And my heart is prone to stray.

The whispered accusations
Keep ringing in my ears.
Filling my heart and soul
With countless doubts and fears.

"You're such a worthless sinner-
Do you even dare
To go running back to God?
You know He doesn't care!"

How can You still love me
With all that I have done?
Can You still call me your child
In spite of what I've become?

I hesitate to go back,
But much to my surprise
You are right there waiting
With Your arms open wide.

Many times I've walked away,
Many times I have returned.
Many mistakes have been made
But many lessons I have learned.

I can't begin to understand-
I don't know where to start
To explain why You hold on
To this wandering prodigal's heart.

Susan Atkinson (2005)

So to continue my story......

I e-mailed my associate pastor, Ryan Limbaugh, and thanked him for speaking with me yesterday morning. I explained to him that this coming July will be one year that I've been divorced and 2 years that I've been separated. For the most part, I do pretty well. But there are days that I tend to have a little pity party for myself. I told him that instead of being thankful for what I have, I tend to complain about what I don't have...OR...what I do have, I tend to nit-pick what's wrong with it. My little house for example. It REALLY needs some work done to it. But I don't have the money to do any upkeep on it. I mean, I do, but it would clean me out if I used my savings account to do the necessary "things" that need to be done. But then, I know some people who have it waaaaaaay worse than I do. And I know there are people who live in much worse than this and probably would LOVE to trade places.

I explained that I get tunnel vision and focus on what's bad instead of focusing on what's good. It's that envy that creeps in every now and then. It's not that I'm selfish. And I'm definitely not materialistic. For the most part, I am content. But when you have to look at the things that need fixing or replacing every day, it gets really discouraging. I hear people say "oh, we've just bought this and that to fix up our house". Well, why is it that I can't do that.....NOW???? I told Bro. Ryan that I believe this is God's lesson in patience to me and right now, I don't have very much of it :-)

Your Creation

With a spoken word You made the universe
All the galaxies, planets, and stars.
I gaze in wonder as they twinkle and shine
Like diamonds in the ebony sky.

Wit a spoken word You made the rivers
And the oceans that run so deep.
But the depths of these waters can never compare
To the love you have for me.

With a spoken word you made the canyons
And every mountain so grand.
Against their vast and glorious splendor
I feel so small and frail.

But with your gentle and loving hands
And simple clay from the earth
You fashioned your most cherished creation
And with Your own breath gave it life.

When I view the beauty of nature around me
It's hard for me to understand
That of all the things You have created
I am the one most prized.

Susan Atkinson--June 20, 2000

Battered and Bruised

I'm lying here all alone
With many questions-dazed and confused.
You confessions to the lies has left
My still fragile heart battered and bruised.

Was it something I said or did
That sent your love away?
What can I do to change your mind?
How can I make you stay?

Did you think I would shrug it off?
Do you not even realize
That the hurt you caused is evidenced
By the flood of tears from my eyes?

You act as though it's no big deal
But yet you stand accused
Of the betrayal and lies that's left
My still fragile heart battered and bruised.

Susan Atkinson--June 18, 2003

"So Tell Me......

how are you progressing in your walk with the LORD?" Huh???? Come again!! In all my years of being in church I don't remember a pastor ever asking me that question, but this morning our associate pastor, Ryan, asked me that very question before Sunday School started. Not just "hi, how are you"...although that was his first question....but he wanted to know how my relationship with the LORD was progressing. And you know, since he took the time to walk from the other side of the sanctuary and cared enough about my spiritual condition to ask me such a question, I told him the truth. I said "I am struggling" and confessed that I had been lax in my daily Bible reading. Instead of getting all "preachy" with his answer, he gave me the suggestion of reading the Psalms, especially Psalm 100 because it talks about God's faithfulness. He also suggested that I write down my thoughts and my feelings and meditate on God's faithfulness to me. That is what's so awesome about God. Even when we're not faithful to Him, He is ALWAYS faithful. He NEVER fails us even though we fail Him. And he also told me if there is anything the church can do to encourage me, to let them know. Will he pray for me? You bet!! And I have no doubt that he will ask others to pray for me also. Isn't that what being a church is all about? Don't just pray for a person's physical condition....pray for their SPIRITUAL condition. I know I appreciated Bro. Ryan taking the time to ask about mine.

WHERE ARE THE MEN????

It's been a few months since I've posted here. My life has been a blur. I lost my job of 14 years in February, but God blessed me with a job by March and that job kept me busy 6 days a week for 2 1/2 months. But in the time that I've been separated and eventually divorced, I've had alot of time to think. I am about convinced that there are few MEN left in this world. Sure there are alot of males but being a member of the male gender doesn't make you a MAN. A man won't just SAY what he believes in but he will put those beliefs into action. If a man says he believes in God, then there needs to be some evidence of it not just in his words but in his actions. I also take issue with a husband who says to his wife, "well, whatever you want to do", or, "whatever makes you happy", or, "if that's what you want". That's not being a man....that's being a wimp who can't stand up to his wife and tell her "no" just because he's afraid of confrontation!! I am pretty easy going but I will say that I can be hard-headed and stubborn at times (not often :-D) and if/when I get married again, the man I marry BETTER be able to have the guts to tell me "no" when it's necessary. Sure that may cause a bit of confrontation but at least I know I'm not married to a push-over!! A man also needs to be able to make the hard decisions and not be wishy-washy. He also must be able to have the courage to admit when he does make a mistake. A guy who tries to cast the blame elsewhere instead of standing up to his mistakes is no man. I have alot of respect for a guy who will admit when he's messed up. A guy who doesn't has no backbone.

More importantly, a man will not be ashamed to admit his feelings to his wife/girlfriend, whatever the case may be. Some of us ladies don't like playing guessing games. A serious relationship (whether dating or marriage) isn't the place for such nonsense. So, those are my thoughts for today.

Well here it is, 2009. It seems like just a couple years ago we were worried about Y2K. How time flies. I remember some years ago that I would make resolutions because I thought that was necessary. But as the years went by, I quit making them because I usually didn't keep them. I have come to realize that I don't have to do anything just because it's the "norm". One thing I don't like is keeping up with the status quo. Being recently divorced I don't have the "luxury" of living in a house that would make the cover of Southern Living or Better Homes and Gardens, but I do have a home, I do have a bed to sleep in, and I have all the necessities that those who live in "nicer" homes have. I don't want to do anything or have anything just because "everyone else" does it or has it. While some people are struggling to keep up with mortgage payments and credit card payments, I have NO credit card debt and rent that's under $400/month. So all I have to be concerned with is my car pmt and utilities for this humble little place I call home.

When people look at me as a Christian, do they feel sorry for me because of my situation? Do they think that God is withholding blessings from me because I don't live in a nicer home and/or drive a fancy car? No. God promises that He will supply all my NEEDS.....not my wants. Sure, I would love to have my dream home (a log home with a great mountain view), but that is a want, not a need. Sometimes I wonder why I can't have what I want and I tend to let a little envy creep in because I don't have what others have, but then I hear about how people in their nice homes with their fancy cars are struggling to stay afloat and I realize how blessed I am and I wouldn't trade places with them for anything in this world.