I don't know which is worse. Being single and alone or being married and alone. The last ten years of our marriage, there was no relationship. We just co-existed in the same house. He worked third shift and I worked days. So after 15 years, he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. He had no desire to want to work on our relationship.....none whatsoever. I made suggestions and he turned down every one of them. A week after I moved out, my mom asked me if I missed him and I replied that I quit missing him years ago. I had already spent the past decade "alone" that the only difference was that I wasn't living in the same house with him.
A friend of mine who is about to go through a divorce himself said that he might not ever marry again because then he can go wherever, whenever he wants to. Granted, that's a plus!! But I've done the "go wherever, whenever" thing for nearly two years now and after awhile, you get tired of going alone. Most of my friends are married and have children so they can't just up and go out on the spur of the moment like I can. Around here there is nothing to do unless you like bar hopping. Don't want to get caught up in that scene. Last thing I want to do is get hit on by a bunch of drunk rednecks/hillbillies. But I am also tired of sitting at home alone with no one to talk to.
Some nights I just sit here and cry. Like tonight.
1 comment:
I can understand and sympathize with you. I was married for 18 years and hoped that my wife would decide that I was what she wanted. It was never going to happen. I didn't want my kids to be another "divorce statistic" so I decided to stick it out...but I sacrificed my happiness and was killing my sanity. I had to leave before I killed all of me.
Now look...I found the woman of my dreams. Someone who actually shares most of the same interests as me and enjoys most all of the things I enjoy....and I'm having to cope with life while she gets her life together.
I understand loneliness. I understand the need to cry.
Just don't let it control you or your loneliness will be just as much of a way of life for you as drugs are to an addict.
Sure....doing activities by yourself isn't near as much fun as doing things with someone else....but it sure beats sitting at home alone wishing for something that you aren't meant to have yet!
Be patient, pray and then go to the zoo :)
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